Further Issuances

Well? This past week I uh.... reformatted my computer. That's interesting isn't it? I transferred all my files to my parent's computer, erased mine, installed Windows XP Pro (which I got from the college) and then put everything back on. The problem is getting all of my updates to all the programs (I had old copies of all my installers) because of the poor connection. Ah well, I'll fix it all up eventually.

As briefly as I can, I'll try to write down some of the thoughts I've had over the past week and especially yesterday during church and what came after. Sort of like a journal entry I suppose, if I had a journal :)

The pastor spoke in Sunday School about the second commandment, not to have any idols. He also said he was convicted that since we do not know what the Lord Jesus Christ looked like, that he felt it was improper to have images of him (I agree as it says in the RPCNA Testimony, 21:3), he also stated that the pictures we make of Jesus Christ tend to be what we envision as a perfect human being, whereas Isaiah 53:2 (he quoted) says that he had no "stately form or majesty, that we should look upon him." I would be cautious with this interpretation of that verse though, I don't think it means that Christ wasn't comely or ugly in human appearance, but that he didn't come in the glory anticipated, with trumpets blaring and a great army, he was lowly of birth and of appearance, meaning that he didn't look like a king. Whether he was humanly beautiful in appearance I don't care to speculate upon, what we do know is that no one spoke like him before, and that is what is important. But I do agree with the pastor that often we make God what we want him to be, rather than what he really is as revealed in his words and we tend to focus on what is most important to us whereas his wrath and justice upon the wicked are equally as glorifying to him as his mercy and love upon his people. Which is precisely what I have made mention of in several discussions with people in regards to hymns that men have written. They almost exlusively focus on the aspect of Christ or God that they feel is most important, and that is always his love toward me. And while how wonderful this is, yes, it still doesn't teach and instruct the younger, convict the sinner, and keep in view all attributes of God as he has revealed himself.

Just a thought that came up as well: as I was sitting there listening to the sermon (which was on Colossians 3, the first 12 verses or so) something clicked for some reason which had never clicked before. When, in James 1:27 he says:
"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."
The mention of looking after orphans and widows has this main point: true religion acts! It lives itself out in daily life, not just on the Lord's Day or on any other special day, but everywhere at every time. Matthew Henry says:
"True religion teaches us to do every thing as in the presence of God. An unspotted life must go with unfeigned love and charity. Our true religion is equal to the measure in which these things have place in our hearts and conduct. And let us remember, that nothing avails in Christ Jesus, but faith that worketh by love, purifies the heart, subdues carnal lusts, and obeys God's commands."
Though this may not seem like much, it was like a shaft of light to my dark mind. Yes, I knew this, but it was made real to me and was along the lines of what J. Nathan had been speaking of with Ross upon, that works are not necessary to salvation, no, but a truly saved person LIVES! He lives out his religion in daily life! Of course Ross would just say that James was written to "the twelve tribes" and not to believers, how can you debate with a person that merely excludes whatever is contrary to what he believes?

Another thought that came up which I've thought of before (and I guess all of this is nothing really new but it's good to go over again at least for me) is that when I was younger I remember asking what a "gentile" was and being told that I was a gentile, according to the Bible, there were "Jews" and "Gentiles" and that those who were physical children of Abraham were Jews, and the rest were Gentiles. While this is true to a certain extent, a long time ago I read Romans 2:28-29
"For no one is a Jew who is merely one outwardly, nor is circumcision outward and physical. But a Jew is one inwardly, and circumcision is a matter of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter. His praise is not from man but from God."
What? You mean that I am a Jew too! Especially over the past few years this has meant a lot to me. As one of God's people today, I belong to that true Israel! This really opens up Romans 9:6-8 and especially notice verse 8.
'6 But it is not as though the word of God has failed. For not all who are descended from Israel belong to Israel,
7 and not all are children of Abraham because they are his offspring, but "Through Isaac shall your offspring be named."
8 This means that it is not the children of the flesh who are the children of God, but the children of the promise are counted as offspring.'

This has become even more amazing the more I think about it and has meant a lot as I have read through the the Old Testament again this year. David isn't just a hero of the Hebrews, he is MY hero, my spiritual predecessor. This is my history, my heritage. It's not just the history of the Jewish nation (and ho-hum we have the NEW Testament now) it's for me. "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Tim 3:16-17.
No, of course I don't believe that we are still under the rituals and sacrifices that were instituted by God under Moses, that has been fulfilled in Christ, but now I get to see HOW it was fulfilled, those spiritual giants that Hebrews eleven speaks of. In distinction to this, I see so many people living under the aura of dispensationalism. The more vehement forms (like with Ross) saying that many parts of the New Testament don't apply to us (we're not Jews after all) and of course the Old doesn't! I recall an elderly lady around here, when we were going to look at property, who said "Oh Cheyenne," speaking to the young real-estate agent who was with us, "That's the OLD Testament, we don't need that anymore." What a precious piece of heritiage and instruction they are losing, and they are losing the entire meaning and sense of what Christ accomplished for us. It's boring to those who look at it this way, but it's been very exciting for me this past time through. I fear that even many people who would not claim dispensationalism openly, do still operate under that sort of influence. It's the living Word of God that we are speaking of, not just some dry, dusty manuscripts.

I was going to do a short study on the Sabbath day as well (which is partially what spawned some of the above statements) but shall save that for some other time perhaps. This update doesn't seem very long but I've got a few letters I wanted to write today and time's a-wastin'! Thanks to all the people (again) who have left me comments, I appreciate them!

The Name of Jesus

For those of you who may not have read the previous posts, this one is exclusively about the questions that were raised in my own mind by one of the statements of A.W. Pink, namely that to simply refer to "Jesus" in prayers is dishonouring to him, for only his enemies referred to him as such or only when it was to show his humbled estate. The question was whether it was appropriate to do so, or rather how we ought to refer to him. So, on the subject of the name of Jesus, these are my findings and conclusions. First, the statistics:

The name "Jesus" appears 925 times in the New Testament, according to the ESV. Pink has pointed out (in other books) that the rule of "first mention" is usually very important as it sets the tone of how the word is to be used and the first time the name Jesus is mentioned is in Matthew and he is called "Jesus Christ." How fitting that the very first verse of "his testament" should open with his name and title!

Throughout the gospel narratives, he is constantly referred to as "Jesus" and it is true that many times when people speak to him (as in Mark 14:67) they say "you also were with the Nazarene, Jesus" or "Jesus of Nazareth" which seems to bear a stigma. It is also interesting that after his resurrection and shown to be the risen Lord, that Mark 16:19 refers to him as "Lord Jesus."

John's first reference to the name in his gospel is "Jesus Christ" and the purpose of his gospel is so that you may believe that "Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." John 20:31
Also in the gospel of John, the disciples call him "Lord" in John 21:7,12,15,16,17,20,21.

Of the nearly 200 times that Paul, the Apostle refers to Jesus, it is almost always "Christ Jesus," "Lord Jesus Christ," or "Jesus Christ." There are a handful of verses which do not and of those, two of them have the following verse proclaiming Jesus as Lord, and most have some sort of context of him being the Son of God.
Rom_3:26
2Co_4:10-11
2Co_11:4
Gal_6:17 (next verse "Lord Jesus Christ")
Eph_4:21
Phi_2:10 (next verse "Jesus Christ is Lord")
1Th_1:10
1Th_4:14
This is remarkably few in comparison with the multitude of others mentioned.

Peter only made use of "Jesus Christ" or "our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ" from what I could find.

From the other view, narratives most often refer him as Jesus, which makes sense because the historical figure is who the readers would be associating the name with, but most of the time in Acts for example, that is followed later with a clear affirmation of the Lordship and the name of Christ being appended. For example: Hebrews says simply "Jesus" but it is always in connection with something great, i.e.
Heb 2:9 "But we see him who for a little while was made lower than the angels, namely Jesus, crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death...."
Heb 3:1 "... consider Jesus, the apostle and high priest of our confession,"
Heb 3:3 "For Jesus has been counted worthy of more glory than Moses...."
And other instances, which all point to his greatness.

Revelations also refers to "Jesus" consistently except for the last two verses, which conclude with "Come, Lord Jesus!" and "The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen."

My conclusions are this:
That the name of Jesus, by itself, has been used regularly throughout the New Testament, generally in relation to the historical figure but always with the general affirmation or testimony of his deity and Lordship. This generally happens when the Apostles were speaking in Acts to unbelievers.

What I felt was a very enlightening verse on the matter was Acts 2:36: when, after referring to "this Jesus" he concludes with "Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified." That seems to be of weighty evidence to me.

It may also be notable to mention Acts 19:13
"Then some of the itinerant Jewish exorcists undertook to invoke the name of the Lord Jesus over those who had evil spirits, saying, "I adjure you by the Jesus, whom Paul proclaims." and it seems to be clear from the narrative that they did not own him as Lord and Christ, if you recall, the possessed turned on them!

Also note
1 Corinthians 12:3 "Therefore I want you to understand that no one speaking in the Spirit of God ever says "Jesus is accursed!" and no one can say "Jesus is Lord" except in the Holy Spirit."
and
1 John 5:1 "Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him.

What it seems to boil down to is of course, an issue of the heart. Can there be a calling upon the name of Jesus? Absolutely! But it is always with the realization that he is Lord, the Christ, and Saviour. To affirm with the lips is good but to affirm with the heart is of the utmost importance, not as though our affirming actually means anything, for he always is Lord and Saviour, whether we do so or not.
I would not reduce this to a legalistic thing and say that everyone must say the certain "formula" but I do believe it is clear from the Scriptures that Christ is to be honoured. I appreciated what F.B. had to say on that, as well as Arwen and A.L. To refer to him as Lord or by his title as Christ is indeed most Scriptural and renders to him the honour he deserves.

Along those same lines, Pink also pointed out (and I heartily agree with him on this) that while the Lord Jesus Christ refers to us as brothers (and what a tremendous honour that is!) it by no means implies that we should refer to him as such, to do so would be rather presumptuous. Rather, we constantly realize ourselves to be nothing but dirt and rags and glorify him who has bestowed us with such richness. Likewise, that he should call us "friends" is of the greatest mercy and love! But for me to call him friend in such a personal and offhand way, is to be presuming upon him. He is my Lord and I love him and will give all praise to him. He must increase, but I must decrease, he deserves all glory and honour and he is gracious enough to bestow some upon me, who do not deserve it. We must be as the 24 elders in Revelation 4:10 who, after being given the crowns, only cast them down in humbleness before the throne of him who deserves all the glory.

So while I don't think it is wrong to say simply "Jesus" as long as there is an appropriate attitude involved, I am very thankful for the study and it has been very beneficial to me and (for the sake of my own conscience) from now on I will strive to not only do honour with my heart but with my lips as well and hope that it will be a constant reminder that he is great and greatly to be praised.

Psalm 145: A Song of Praise. Of David. I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever.
Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable.
One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.
On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.
They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness.
They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.
The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.
All your works shall give thanks to you, O LORD, and all your saints shall bless you!
They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom and tell of your power,
to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds, and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures throughout all generations. [The LORD is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works.]
The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season.
You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak the praise of the LORD, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.

The Shadow Explains

Due to some confusion apparently on my last post, I'm going to quote Pink in full here. My mother said that she misunderstood it as well, I apologize for giving the wrong impression.

"The name by which God's Son is here called is that of His humiliation. "Jesus" is not a title; "Saviour" is an entirely different word in the Greek. "Jesus" was His human name, as Man, here on earth. It was as "Jesus of Nazareth" that His enemies ever referred to Him. But not so His own people: to the apostles He said, "Ye call Me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am" (John 13:13). Only once in the four gospels do we ever find any of His own speaking of Him as "Jesus of Nazareth" (Luke 24:19). and that was when their faith had completely given way. It was the language of unbelief! That He is referred to in the narratival form in the Gospels as "Jesus" is to emphasis His humilation.
When we come to Acts, which treats of His exaltation, we read there, "God hath made this name Jesus . . . . both Lord and Christ" (2:36). So in the Epistles: God has "given Him a name which is above every name," and that name is "Lord" (Phil. 2:9, 10). Thus, it is either as "Christ" which IS a title, or as the Lord Jesus Christ, that He is commonly referred to in the Epistles: read carefully 1 Cor. 1:3-10 for example. It is thus that His people should delight to own Him. To address the Lord of glory in prayer simply as "Jesus," or to speak of Him to others thus, breathes an unholy familiarity, a vulgar cheapness, an irreverence which is hightly reprehensible.
After the four Gospels the Lord Christ is never referred to in the N.T. simply as "Jesus" save for the purpose of historical identification (Acts 1:11, e.g.), or to stress the humiliation through which He passed, or when His enemies are speaking of Him. Here in Heb. 2:9 "Jesus" rather than "the Lord Jesus" is used to emphasise His humiliation: it was the One who had passed through such unparalleled shame and ignominy that had been "crowned with glory and honour." May Divine grace enable both writer and reader to entertain such exalted views of this same Jesus that we may ever heed the exhortation of 1 Peter 3:15: "But sanctify in your hearts Christ as Lord" (R.V.)."

The Shadow's Demise

Not really. I'm going to try to make an update but make it short (haha) and to the point.

The trouble with updating every day is it takes up way too much time. I must say I really enjoy being able to work and come home and then have nothing really to do, I have time to read again! This past semester was extremely busy and I felt like it was non-stop school and homework every waking hour. It also made me realize that I must have had a lot of spare time the previous semester because I DID update nearly every day.

On the other hand, the problem with updating a couple times a week (or less) is not only do I forget the most important things that I wanted to share or had been thinking about, but also, the things that I DO remember seem to gather themselves into a heap and come out in one great big pile (the last post seemed a touch long in my opinion).

Speaking of school, though I did get a B in the one class, I found out that I apparently had the highest score in the Engineering Design and AutoCAD class, which was the one I was working hardest at. I know it's only because my peers did poorer because I wouldn't have said I excelled, but it was still rather comforting to know. There were about 160 students who made it to the end and that class has a huge drop rate. Everyone hates the instructor and says he is insane. I know he personally puts a huge amount of time into the class and strives to prepare his students the best way he knows how. He is extremely strict but that helps me to try harder. Now if they only would hand out scholarships for things like that.....

I want to say thank you to all of you who have been leaving comments, I appreciate them and though I'd like to reply, usually I get online for a few minutes in the evening, send out the e-mails I need to, clean out my queue for SafeRegistry and then get back to my studying or possibly to bed. There just isn't enough time in the day it seems. I do read every comment though because they are sent to my inbox and I've really been grateful to see those. F.B., I really enjoyed your description of Sunday night, I'm sorry to miss Mr. W's lessons but the description of J. Nathan's tale was especially entertaining. He does have quite a good imagination and can be quite funny!

The Pastor of the Reformed Baptist church came to visit on Tuesday, I thought that was a nice gesture, but also, their congregation is very small, they've had a number of people leave over the years. It was funny when he was talking to me personally, we were discussing a few things, the demon-possession (as mentioned by the pastor of the Velma Fellowship) and whenever I would start to say something he would jump in and interrupt me. Perhaps he didn't want that "Presbyterian" to get a word in edgewise ;) But honestly I couldn't because he wouldn't really let me. We also visited the church on Wednesday night. There are definite Southern Baptist influences as I mentioned before, but the preaching does seem good. One thing that struck me is that he does seem to think highly of their teaching in respects to other places in the area. He told me about the book he was writing on Revelation and also how one of his favourite books of John MacArthur's was Ashamed of the Gospel and he said that he wishes he (personally) had written that book 10 years ago. He also gave me a tape of his to listen to. A very nice man but seemingly very self-assured, at least that was my impression but I don't presume to judge his heart. He kept repeating that what they did they did because well, it's right! For example: Our kids don't date, they court. And to others that may seem weird but it's right! Just in my own mind I couldn't help but contrasting Bruce. He is probably the most humble and god-fearing man I have had the honour to know and I respect him very much. I was never interrupted or "shut out/down" when speaking with him but he was always very careful to come alongside rather than look down the nose. The Wednesday night study was good, he preached on James, but it just wasn't a family like at Stillwater.

On Tuesday night we had the wife of the man who died over here, along with our neighbours who are in their late seventies or early eighties, the Robinsons. Apparently Mrs Robinson was rather spunky tomboy when she was younger. She used to have red hair (and still hopes for a red-headed great-grandchild) and still seems to be quite active. She told me she has been cutting out all of the things that have been said in the paper about me (all of which I NEVER authorized). Then Mr Robinson told the story of how he first heard of her. He was reading the newspaper (many, many years ago of course) and saw that "Mary-Jane" had won the wild-cow milking contest. He decided that he'd better get to know this gal. She was his first and only sweetheart. Mrs Robinson declared that though people think it was quite a feat to have won such a contest, that she had five older brothers and she was the youngest so she had grown up doing things like that. The fellow she knew just said that he would rope the cow and asked if she would milk it so she said "sure!" as she jumped off the fence where she'd been sitting. Tweren't nothin'.

Mr Robinson is nearly deaf without his hearing aids (which he apparently refuses to wear) so the entire evening was filled with trying to get him keyed in on the conversation. When you say "yes" in answer to a question, make sure you NOD emphatically to go along with it! The younger kids, after dinner when everyone was sitting around and talking, brough in their little plastic dragons and showed him. Everyone else was talking about something else and me, like usual, was just listening to it all. He said the dragons looked quite ugly and said he'd like to stick it in his wife's side of the bed and see what she did when she pulled back the covers. "How'd she like to find that in bed with her?" He chuckled. Then he started edging it sideways on the table toward her until it was directly in front of her, where she was sitting with her hands folded. Eventually she looked down and gave a rather satisfying gasp while her hand went to her chest. I think she mainly did that to give him the satisfaction of having "scared" her. But as she goes out (or used to before the mountain lions came around) and shoot armadillos by the moonlight and milking wild cows and such, I doubt a little dragon would REALLY scare her ;)

Oh, and I put new lightbulbs in our room, that's exciting. Over Christmas break I could hardly stand it. You'd flick on the light and sarcastically observe it and state out loud "Well, that sure brightens the room." It was really bad, it reminded me of the dying sun of Charn, a dull orange that one can barely see even to read by when directly under it. They were the lightbulbs that the electricians had installed so I just got a couple of new ones and my brother and I took down the lamp from the ceiling and put the new ones in and it was amazing what a difference there was! Now I see to read by at night and can stay up later, much to my brother's disappointment!

One last thought I have for today. I was reading in Pink's exposition of Hebrews and he went on a slight tangent to say that often people will refer in their prayers to the Lord Jesus Christ as simply "Jesus" which, as he stated, is only done in the Bible when it is to show his humiliation or when used by his enemies and for Christians to do so is very irreverent. I had never thought of this before. He cited 1 Cor 1:3-10 as an example, where Jesus Christ is referred to over and over with His titles rather than simply "Jesus."

This rather startled me and at the same time made me examine. Though of course the important thing is the heart, the externals are important as well, for it reveals what is in the heart. I will often say "Lord Jesus" but rarely "Christ Jesus" and yes, I do say simply "Jesus" from time to time. It has made me wish to examine that, to study all the references and see whether this is true or not. It seems to me to be a very good point that Pink made, but any comments or thoughts on the matter would be welcome.

The Shadow Falls

I am an arrogant person.

That is what was on my mind this morning, mainly I think it was started because of a quote from Pink that I was reading earlier in the morning. He said:

"'Hast laid the foundation of the earth.'
We have been deeply impressed with the fact that God has some good reason for referring in His Word to 'the foundation' and 'foundations' of the earth or world more than twenty-five times. We believe it is to safeguard His people from the popular delusion of the day, namely that the earth revolves on its axis, and that the heavenly bodies are stationary, only appearing to our sight to move, as the banks and trees seem to be doing to one seated in a rowing-boat or sailing ship. This theory was first advanced (so far as the writer is aware) by Grecian heathen philosophers, echoes by Compernicus in the fifteenth century, and re-echoed today by science 'falsely so called' (see 1 Tim. 6:20) to-day. Alas, that so many of God's servants and people have accepted it. Such a conceit cannot be harmonised with 'a foundation' so often predicated of the earth; which, necessarily, implies its fixity! Nor can such a theory be squared with the repeated statements of the Holy Writ that the 'sun moves' (Joshua 10:12), etc. Thewriter is well aware that this paragraph may evoke a pitying smile from some. But this will not move him. Let God be true and every man a liar. We are content to believe what He has said. Paul was willing to be a fool for Christ's sake (1 Cor. 4:10), and we are willing to be thought a fool for the Scripture's sake." - A.W. Pink, Exposition of Hebrews, Baker, pg. 72

If you caught all of that, he is among the people who thought that everything moved around the earth and that the earth is in the center of the universe and remains motionless. I admire him wanting to remain true to the Scriptures but he is so certain that his reading of them is correct that he will consider everything else false. He has done this before with other passages and I believe that to be a bit dangerous. I guess I am in the same way as regards to Creation vs. Evolution, another "lie" of science today, but I don't see any evidence for it and it makes God's power to be less than what the Genesis account describes, that He spoken and it was so, not "eventually it was so." Hodge said:

"As the Bible is of God, it is certain that there can be no conflict between the teachings of the Scriptures and the facts of science. It is not with facts, but with theories, believers have to contend. Many such theories have, from time to time, been presented, apparently or really inconsistent with the Bible. But these theories have either proved to be false, or to harmonize with the Word of God, properly interpreted. The Church has been forced more than once to alter her interpretation of the Bible to accomodate the discoveries of science. But this has been done without doing any violence to the Scriptures or in any degree impairing their authority. Such change, however, cannot be effected without a struggle. It is impossible that our mode of understanding the Bible should not be determined by our views of the subjects of which it treats. So long as men believed that the earth was the centre of our system, the sun its satellite, and the stars its ornamentation, they of necessity understood the Bible in acordance with that hypothesis. But when it was discovered that the earth was only one of the smaller satellites of the sun, and that the stars were worlds, then faith, although at first staggered, soon grew strong enough to take it all in and rejoice to find that the Bible, and the Bible alone of all ancient books, was in full accord with these stupendous revelations of science." -Systematic Theology, Volume 1, pg 573

To which I agree. Anyway, Pink, in all of his writings, writes very authoritatively and while most of it is extremely good and convicting, yet I think that his lack of accountability with other believers did lead him down the path of arrogance to a certain extent. It is true that they had many disagreeances with so many different churches but this was partially because he was so certain that how he read the Bible was right that he had parts of many different branches and couldn't find a church he deemed to be true. So he and his wife stayed by themselves in their house every Lord's Day for many years, feeling it was better to do that than subject themselves to that which is false. But that has to be hurtful to a believer over the years! But as I pondered this, it did disturb me a bit because I see a lot of Pink in myself, when I first started reading him it was good because it got me excited and much of his topical treatments are extremely good and I would recommend them, but at the same time, he tries to go into as much detail as possible on every level and he does it so authoritatively that it can be dangerous at times. He is certain that his interpretation is correct, especially at certain points of his life I'm finding. I found when reading him that there were so many arguments that I had used myself against other people online, certain lines of logic. All too often I depend on my own reasoning skills (the majority of people on the Internet are not too hard to out-reason) instead of relying on the Holy Spirit to do the work and me just proclaiming and being there.

There is a place for authoritativeness and most Christians today are too mild in things they should be trumpeting. It is time to go back to the Puritans in that sense, but when it comes to intricate doctrines, I must let the Word form my beliefs rather than come to it trying to gather Scriptures to prove my own belief to someone else, which admittedly I have done before. I'm fool myself into thinking I'm so enthusiastic to defend the Bible when in fact it's often a desire to defend my own credibility or ego. It seemed to me that there was a bit of bitterness or "take that" feeling when Pink quoted "let every man be a liar." Which I have done too. In debates with my friend in California, or with J. Nathan, sometimes I will employ the same tactic: to gather Scriptures which I think relevant to my own case by "skim" over those which I think might lend support to his, and that is wrong. The entire Scripture must form ME, I must conform to it and let it mold me. If I give willingly I shall be like the reed, which gives in the wind, if I try to act like an oak and bend to my wishes, it shall break me. This arrogance that is in me! The pride that causes me to think that I am better than others in wisdom and knowledge. As each day goes by it seems to grow, not decrease, but my abhorrence and awareness of it has increased as well, for which I am grateful but how I would like to be completely free of it forever!

So that is by far the main thing I (with the Spirit's help) am working on to curb in my own heart. As far as books go, I finished volume 1 of Hodge's Systematic Theology last week and really enjoyed it. I'm currently working on B.B. Warfield's articles on the "Westminster Assembly and its Work" (subtly suggested to me by Mr N), Spurgeon's Sermons still, Pink's Exposition of Hebrews, "Hold Fast" a sketch of Covenant Truth and its Witnesses (which I am reading to my siblings) and "Jungle Doctor," also recommended by Mr N and which I am also reading to my siblings, I started the first chapter tonight.

This past week my father and I went out to lunch with the pastor of the Velma fellowship, which some of you may remember my father mentioning. They seem like a group of people that truly desire to serve God in a biblical fashion and see so much of the superficiality of today, yet there were a few things we wanted to talk to them about because we had heard certain things. The meeting itself went well and these were the main points that came out of it:

1. They do believe that a person who is truly saved, can fall into perdition and be eternally lost if they allow Satan to get a foothold. Now they do believe that the Holy Spirit sanctifies over the believer's life but he can let himself go essentially. Afterwards I showed my parents what the Westminster Confession said on the matter and I had a very strong urge to read volume 11 of John Owen's works, which deals with the Perserverance of the Christian.

2. They believe that a believer can be sinless (daily) in this life but only through the Holy Spirit's power. I would agree with that to an extent as well and he tried to stress that only through the Holy Spirit could this be done. I'm not sure what to think about this and I remember F.B. mentioning the same thing had come up. Because while I believe it is possible to go through a day without sinning in word, thought, or deed (only by the Holy Spirit's power) the question is, DOES that happen? I do NOT believe that we can reach a state of sinless perfection where we become so good on earth that we "cannot" sin any more. This has the potential to be a dangerous doctrine if taken too far, or it can be an encouragement. Like the Puritans, I think that daily there would be things revealed in my own heart that I'd not seen before and I would never think of myself as being in that state. To do so could evoke a) pride, or b) praise. I know in my own heart there would always be a touch of the former.

3. They believe that a Christian (and we're talking a true believer here) can, by not being on guard and watching, become demon posessed. Apparently in one service (I wasn't there, but my father told me) the pastor addressed Satan directly and said something like "get out of here Satan, you have no power over us." Though please don't quote me on that. The essential thing is that he addressed Satan in his prayer and rebuked him. Which as I recall, even Michael wouldn't do. He said that if we are told to guard against Satan that this must mean he can have some hold on us. I would think however that to say that there can be the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and then the indwelling of an evil spirit is blasphemy! Isn't that somewhat of the point of the parable about the house that is filled with evil spirits in Matt. 12:43-45? It was when the house was empty and swept (outward reform) that the spirits came back, not filled with the Spirit and the fruits of grace. I know Spurgeon would say that. *grin*

In a way it was discouraging but at the same time, I think that they probably are more willing to listen to Scripture and to a Christian Brother than someone in the Baptist church, so it's kind of like being stuck between a stone and a hard place. Go to the Baptist church and endure? Try to help the people there to reform? The people run it so if the pastor did start preaching about TULIP and things like that, I'm sure he'd be kicked out pretty fast (that's what happened to the pastor at the Velma fellowship, he was discharged after he started reading and studying more), or do you go to the Velman fellowship, and sit under teaching that is definitely erroneous, preaching that is not very well-thought out (or so it seems, he does have a full-time job besides pastoring and his family)?

There was another option, my mom looked for Reformed Baptist Churches in the area and found one (I had previously looked for Reformed churches nearby but didn't see any). We did go there this past Sunday. I thought the service was done fairly orderly and the sermon was good and stronger than any of the other Baptist pastors around here, but they have strong Southern Baptist ties and it did show. There was the time during the service where everybody just goes around saying "hello" (I never understood why they did that in the middle of the singing). It just doesn't seem to really prepare the heart for worshipping GOD, who should be our focus at the time. The singing was mixed between praise songs and hymns (I missed the Psalms very much at that time). We spoke with the pastor afterward and he asked me what I do in my spare time, I said that I have been reading theology and he said "Oh! I'll have to talk to you some time then, I like that too." I couldn't tell if he was joking or not but he didn't seem to be. I would think a pastor would enjoy theology though! He also asked where I had been going to church while at school and I excitedly told him that I was a member of the Reformed Presbyterian Church of North America and had been going to the congregation there in Stillwater, the only one of that denomination in the state. He said something along the lines of "Reformed Presbyterian? Huh. Yeah, unfortunately sometimes all you can find is a Presbyterian church." I know he wasn't joking and I was a bit taken aback. Perhaps he misunderstood my previous statements and thought I was complaining that it was the only church in town?

As for me, I have to admit that I was rather homesick for my own church family and was missing it sorely. You don't really realize how much you truly love something until you have to leave it, and I didn't know how much I really appreciated the church until I went to another one and things were just more shallow. I have been thoroughly spoiled and I don't know how I'll survive anywhere else!

That may be the best choice for my family though. There was no altar call I should mention (the pastor told us that he does use it occassionaly but doesn't like to associate a physical action with something that takes place in the heart. They are having a revival soon. I still have Murray's book entrenched in my mind and I'm leery of "planned" revivals, I don't know what they mean by the term though, perhaps a "refreshing" time, they are having two preachers come in and times of prayer, which sounds good. Should that not be the state the church is always in though? And then God gives the increase by the pouring out of His Spirit.

Well, this is a long, rambling post. Lots on the mind, not much time to share it (Do I hear a sigh of relief?). I miss you all in Stillwater! I was glad to get the prayer list. I felt disconnected not being there, yet imagining it.
Oh, work? We installed Cabinets today.

The Rise of The Shadow

Brother is now giving tips for titles. I've run out.

I'm not certain how much "blogging" I'll be doing during the summer: the work that I'm doing daily, combined with a desire to do a lot of reading while I can, seems to overpower whatever desire I have to write about what is going on. I'm going to try to keep it to a couple of updates a week for whoever is interested and in any event, M.O.M. still likes to read them :)

Saturday afternoon I did stop by the Alterra Assisted Living center and was able to talk to Freddie and leave a note of thanks for the lady in charge for her assistance at the beginning of the semester. I feel as though I wish I could do something. So many of the residents in there come in fine, but after spending day after day doing exactly the same thing (which isn't much) and seeing so many of their fellow residents wander around addled and not having a decent conversation with anyone, they too start to deteriorate. I noticed a bit of a difference in Freddie, she repeated herself several times and said a few things that made me raise my eyebrows. I wish I could do something! I will try to go back multiple times just to say hello to the people and try to strike up some friendships. If I had time I would like to play games (checkers, chess, or things like that) and just try to help keep them active. Older people, just like everyone else, need interaction, and unfortunately they don't really interact too much with eachother, especially when they see eachother all day every day, at least at this place. It's probably true that many of them, by the time they get here, are already going downhill a bit.

I couldn't stay long and after that I had the opportunity to hear a piano recital in which STupendous, Daisy, and G.W. played. I enjoyed it very much and all of the people playing did very well. I have to admit that I really enjoyed Daisy's lively playing quite a bit, it sounded really, really good. Myself and a couple of boys then went to the P house and picked up three more boys and all headed over to my camper for a couple of hours of gaming fun. I dropped them off and quickly ran over to pick up Beatthx, I wished I could have brought more people but even as it was, three people would be sitting out each round, I only have one TV. I just have a hard time drawing the line because how do you choose any three particular people and not let others come? Almost everybody likes to play Super Smash Bros. and while I enjoy it, it's certainly not my favourite game and I can be beaten pretty easily too, so I stayed out for all of those rounds, I had fun when we did Metroid Prime for a little though, that's a game I really enjoy. I just like watching the other people enjoying themselves and trying to give tips if I can.

There was this one time where two players shot themselves out of cannons and collided midair, which is pretty hard to do. Both exploded.

Just before the end I showed them all a Disney short I had, a very old one of Goofy and playing Football, which accurately described my feelings. Mayhem, ridiculous, etc. Then I had to run Beatthx back home real quick and come to the camper to pick up the rest of the boys, dropped the P's off and by that time I knew I was going to be late getting the N's back home. I felt bad about it, especially since I had already been given a grace period and I was even going over that! I think I was forgiven though (I hope) and very graciously allowed to stay for supper (they invited me yet again, can you believe it?!) and even a Three Stooges short afterward, which was one of the best I'd seen I think. I needed something to loosen me up I think. I enjoyed the time with their family very much but had to get back home and fix things up for my move the next day. My father and youngest brother were coming in that evening with the truck to take my home down on Sunday. There wasn't a whole lot to clean up though and after taking down all the speakers and getting everything ready for the trip, I headed off to bed with a couple of books to read. Summer was beginning!

Speaking of books, I did finish Revival and Revivalism, by Iain Murray and I would again highly recommend it to anyone who may not have read it, not only is it very good for historical information, but just the application of it was very good. Constantly I was surprised at the history of many of the church denominations in my own country. I'm on page 440 of vol 1 of Hodge's Systematic Theology, he's speaking of the Trinity right now and it's very good to go back to all of this, especially because Pastor just did recently in the afternoon services. I also read a sermon of Spurgeon's last night that I wanted to mention, it's in volume 1 of Spurgeon's sermons on the Miracles and Parables of Our Lord, pg. 115 entitled "Satan's Banquet." He drew a connection and a story that I never would have seen but it was convicting to me, for I know that there have been times where I would take a sip at the table for secret sins or the table of pride and self-righteousness. I really enjoyed that sermon. I find that many of the people at the college are arrogant, knowledge has puffed them up. I was speaking to one guy who was in Electrical Engineering as well and he kept plying me with questions and seemed relieved to find out that I wasn't nearly as far advanced in the program that he was, he was telling me how many hours he had completed etc. And when someone else started talking about USB he rattled off some statistics and when another guy disagreed with him he said "well I'm an Electrical Engineer" and the other guy said he was too. Then he had to find out how far HE was along in the program so he could prove he was superior. I honestly hope that it's a lesson to me and I don't try to flaunt any knowledge that I may gain along the way. I would like a good education so I might be able to perform well at a job I might have later on down the road and I fully know that there are other people far more knowledgeable in their fields or generally than I am.

Yet that's an area I struggle with, the idea that I know more or am superior in some way. I pray never to use God-given talents for anything other than God's glory. I do tend to be competitive and I need to be humble and realize that I don't have to try to be better than someone all the time. Going to church where I have been has been very helpful for me, there are so many talented and gifted people who labour as servants and are very humble. I feel like I am learning and growing and am very thankful for that opportunity. I shall miss my "Stillwater Family" this summer, they were mainly the ones I was referring to in the last post about the "godly seed," who can be used of God to pervade the earth, growing up strong in the Lord, my peers, my generation, and fellow brothers and sisters. Here is a passage on the subject that I found very encouraging from "Revival and Revivalism," speaking about the possibility of God bringing forther future revivals in America.

"It may be that a generation of freshly-anointed preachers is already being prepared. Whether that is so or not, when such men are sent forth by Christ we can be sure of certain things. They will not be identical in all points with the men of the past, but there will be a fundamental resemblance. They will be hard students of Scripture. They will prize a great spiritual heritage. They will see the danger of 'unsanctified learning'. While they will not be afraid of controversy, nor of being called hyper-orthodox, they will fear to spend their days in controversy. They will believe with John Rice that 'the church is not purified by controversy, but by holy love'. They will not forget that the wise, who will shine 'as the stars for ever and ever', are those who 'turn many to righteousness' (Dan. 12.2). They will covet the wisdom which Scripture attributes to the one 'that winneth souls' (Prov. 11.30). But their cheerfulness will have a higher source than their work. To know God himself will be their supreme concern and joy. They will therefore not be strangers to humility. And their experience will not be without trials and discouragements, not least because they fall so far short of their aspirations. If they are spared to live as long as John Leland they will be ready to say with him at last: 'I have been unweredly trying to preach Jesus, but have not yet risen to that state of holy zeal and evangelical knowledge, that I have been longing after'. Whether their days will be bright or dark they will learn to say with Nettleton that 'the milk and honey lie beyond this wilderness world'.

That is what I greatly desire, to see God do a great work in the nations, in my own country, in America where people have grown complacent and feel that just by donating money or "not doing bad things" they can get to heaven. I want to see people who pursue holiness and love God with all their heart and to please and serve him and to enjoy him is their highest goal. Where people actually care about the Bible and long to discuss it instead of shunning it (even in so-called "Christian" circles). That God would bring up young men and women in the strength of Davies, Edwards, and Whitfield. That would be an amazing sight to see, and something I would definitely hope God would let me be a part of.

Things around here are pretty normal, we built some cabinets, worked on the kitchen of a family in the area, and things like that. Not really a whole lot to say about that. I've already got my eye on several more books to read but I want to finish at least volume 1 of Hodge's Systematic Theology first, I've been taking too long with him. I'll try to get on and update somewhat regularly.

Oh, by the way, I did get four A's and a B this last semester. It's my first B but I expected it. With the classes I had, there were three that were consuming my time in a very large way and that was the one I decided to sacrifice in. Besides that, the class was graded on a curve and about 20% of the people were Computer Science majors who knew multiple languages and had been programming for years. So I don't feel too bad, though of course I wish I had done better. Anywho, and in other randomness, I noticed that my skin colour is ghastly pale after all that time studying indoors......

The Shadow Strikes!

Note: This post is rather long and there are many different thoughts in it, so if you want to comment on a section I'd suggest you open the comments box in another window and write up comments as you read. If you want to that is :) In Firefox you can hold down ctrl+click the "comments" or in Internet Explorer *shudder* you can hold down ctrl+shift+click the link. It just seems that when I do a long post, there are few comments except on the last paragraph, not that I expect any comments..... but just making a helpful suggestion? *digging hole*

Finally! Another update. I was meaning to do it much earlier but things always come up, an e-mail that I really need to respond to (and these e-mails more often than not are as long as a blog post) or someone who contacts me online or some studying or homework or just contacting team members (even during finals week). It's always very busy!

So to respond to some comments, Yes F.B., the report was 97 pages and then with the slides and drawings included, it was about 120 pages, not to mention all of the records in my notebook which came to about 25. And that's partially what I was complaining about, I was doing more than my share by writing the entire report, yet my partners weren't coming through with the little stuff I had assigned them that I needed to put in the report. They complained about the class being hard yet I was doing all the work. Ah well, it's over and yes Spectre, no more teams = no more complaints. Well, let's have another one while I'm at it. I'd forgotten how much I disliked taking finals with a large group of people. There was always someone who was sniffling every 10 seconds, or this one guy behind me who gave a gun-shot cough (just one) about every 30 seconds or so. He must do that while he's thinking because he didn't do it after he'd handed the test in and was going out, just while taking the test. Or perhaps he hopes it's graded on the curve and he'll drive everyone insane and make his own score look better, I don't know. But it certainly drove me crazy. Imagine sitting there for two hours during a Physics exam with a cough sounding at regular intervals over 100 times during the exam. GAAAAH!!!! I was about ready to turn around and strangle him! Okay, not really, but I was close to snapping. Funny how little things can bother a person sometimes. Perhaps that's a natural outcome of living by myself in peaceful and quiet solitude.

So anyway, to recount this week. I think all of my exams went well, I did do better on the Final exam for Computer Science than any of the other ones but I'm still very certain I'm getting a B. In celebration I posted on the class forum (which had been very active during the semester) but received no response. Not that I deserved a response since my post went along the lines of:

I check back. No one post. Everybody gone. I go.

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Random as Daisy you say? Perhaps, says I.
I am glad it's all over but at the same time, it's just unreal. This has been my life for the past three and a half months. And the three and a half months before that nearly. Now there is a long break for the summer. I don't know if everyone heard this or not, most likely so, but I stopped by Kicker on Thursday afternoon to leave my parents phone number (since I'd be down there for a little while) and the guy at the desk said "Oh, well that position was already filled." I don't know how long it's been but I had hoped I would be told whether I got it or not instead of hanging in limbo. I'll be working with my dad over the summer, which should be nice. Making a little money and spending time with my family. And hopefully getting a lot of reading done. I'm seriously behind because of the work load I had.

Speaking of reading... that's pretty much the "important" stuff I wanted to get to.

I did finish reading the Luke study we've been going through in the Wednesday night study, since I won't be here for the two final weeks. And I also did finish "Christ of the Covenants."

There were a couple thoughts that came out of that. I appreciated the cohesiveness that the author presented between the Old and New Testaments, because while no one ever really said so, I always did have the impression that people believed God related differently in the different eras. The God of the Old Testament had rules and restrictions and was wrathful on those who broke them. The God of the New Testament was loving and sent His own Son. Going back to Genesis and looking at how the Seed was promised to the woman from the very beginning, was refreshing, as was the grace shown toward David, and the promises made to Moses, to Abraham, that God would be their God and they would be His people, His children, and He Himself their inheritance. No, God didn't change, we just aren't looking at the entire picture.

The stress on being a God to them and to their children also was very refreshing, and it made me think quite a bit and here is some thoughts I have to share:
Looking at Genesis 3:15 about the offspring and then thinking later about 1 Timothy 2:15 that speaks of "she shall be saved through child-bearing" and yet again about 127:3-4 which speaks about children being as arrows in the hand of a mighty man and the fruit of the womb a reward, it just seemed to really bring home the fact that yes, children are a blessing and yet a responsibility. They are a responsibility because the parents have the requirements of bringing them up properly, of instructing them in the path which they should follow (Prov 22:6) and bringing them up to be godly young men and women.
A blessing because once trained, they can be mighty men and women for God, going out into the world as shining beacons and bringing Christ honour. What better reward is this? With the analogy of the "arrows in the hands of a warrior" they are darts which can be used by God to pierce to men's souls, this godly seed is such a blessing and something to be greatly desired from the Lord, and the raising up of children, that is such a wonderful thing! In contrast to today's world which sees them more as a nuisance, or something to have fun with (people talk of having kids because babies are cute, which is true but not the supreme reason for them!), or something to be despised and cast away. On the contrary, the Christian sees his own children as a reward, an investment for the future, which can potentially bring far greater interest and returns than he could have himself! Oh that godly seed would fill the earth and bring glory to Christ's name and be His witnesses to the nations!

I also appreciated the contrast in "Christ of the Covenants" between the seed of the serpent and the godly seed. Seth was the line of the godly seed and Cain was of the serpent's and there is always enmity between the two. This really brings home what Jesus told the Pharisees: "You brood of vipers!" "You are of your father, the devil." He placed them, though Israelits and one of the "chosen people" of that nation, they were not truly of Israel (Rom. 9:6). There is enmity between those who are of the ungodly seed and those who are of the godly. They hate us, they despise us, and will do everything they can to ridicule us. But our heavenly Father knows our hearts and cares for us and it is He who sustains us. Those who are of their father, the Devil, shall not prevail in the end though it may seem so for a season. At the same time, remembering that I was of the serpent's seed before, yet I have been adopted into God's family and have been made one of His seed, and an heir of Himself. Put into this light, it just seems far more real and amazing than it ever did before. Adoption! Me, who was of the serpent's seed! And how undeserving I am of that. That Christ would give up of Himself to make me an heir along with Himself (Rom 8:17).

One last thing gathered from that book that I desire to share, and that is the realization or the clearer understanding of the covenant. When a covenant is established, it is established with blood. As in the example of Abraham, the animals were cut in half and then God alone (because only He could establish an everlasting covenant) walked through the pieces. In ancient times, when two parties made an agreement or covenant, they would walk thorugh the halves of the animals as though to say "So may I be cut in half if I do not keep my part of this agreement." Well God made a covenant with man in the garden, that they should be fruitful, and fill the earth (and work is a blessing!) and the only command to not do something, was to abstain from eating of the tree. We broke our end of the covenant, and it was such an easy one to keep! How more so will we break the difficult ones. We broke the Mosaic covenant, we could not keep the law. As lawbreakers, as covenant breakers, we deserved to die, we were to be like those animals that were to be torn in two and destroyed forever, we failed and we deserved our punishment.

Yet Christ, in His amazing love said "You broke the covenant I made with you, my holy covenant. I have fully kept my end of the bargain yet you failed in yours, yet I shall die in your stead. I shall be broken for your transgressions, I shall be treated of God as a covenant breaker instead of you." (my words)

That just really, really hit home seeing it in that light. That God perfectly upheld His end of the covenant. We didn't even deserve any of the blessings He gave us in the beginning, the earth and all its goodness. Yet when we broke our end of the bargain and rebelled against Him, He still shows mercy in DYING IN OUR PLACE! Like the animal that signified what would happen to the offending party, God freely gave of Himself and sent His Son to die as a covenant breaker to fill the place of a covenant breaker. I broke my end of the bargain, He died, though He had kept His end perfectly.

I've also been reading some of Spurgeon's sermons at night for something of a devotional, they only take 20-25 minutes to read and are very good. I'm reading through the parables and miracles of Jesus right now. I also picked up a book on Ebay that I thought was from a Christian perspective, but it turns out it's from a Jewish perspective and is the "Laws and Customs of Israel" as writtin in 1957 I believe. I was shocked quite frankly. Listen to this for example:

"Laws Concerning the Time when Mourning Should Begin
1. Mourning begins as soon as the grave has been filled up with earth when the mourner should remove his boots at the cemetery, but if he be obliged to go home, and it is not possible for him to go without boots, he should place a little earth in them."

WHY?! I don't remember reading this in Deuteronomy!

"For a child who had died within thirty days from its birth, even on the thirtieth day, even if its hair and nails were grown, one need neither rend one's garments, nor mourn as an Onan, for it is regarded as an abortion."

That is terrible, it makes it seems as though it's not really a human being and seems to say that abortion isn't terrible at all!

"The mourner is forbidden to bathe his entire body, even in cold water, moreover washing the face, hands, and feet with warm water is prohibited, but with cold water it is permitted. Bathing in warm water is forbidden the entire thirty days. Bathing the entire body even in cold water is forbidden in the thirdy days, if done (only) for the sake of pleasure. A woman who must bathe before immersion is permidded to bath in warm water afer her seven days of mourning."

Or this one really is the most ridiculous perhaps of all:
"The mourner is forbidden to study the Bible, the Mishnah, the Talmud, the Halakhoth and Haggadoth, but he is permitted to read Job, Lamentations, the mournful parts of Jeremiah, and all the distressing themes found in the Bible. One is permitted to study the laws of mourning in the Jewish codes. One is forbidden to consider too critically the aforementioned subjects which are permitted to be read."

That is just horribly sad, that when a person is the most down he is not allowed to read the Psalms for example, or joyful parts that will cause his soul to feel lighter. Who can forbid the reading of any of Scripture at any time? They have heaped up laws for themselves in abundance and tie burdens on men that they will not live a finger to bear. Things haven't really changed much have they? It was really surprising to me to look at some of these things and just be amazed at how far men can twist or add to the ordinances of God.

One other thing to add at this point and I think I'll give up for the day. That is that I am also reading "Revival and Revivalism" by Iain Murray and enjoying it very much. I find it fascinating. I didn't know that the altar call originated with the Methodists in about 1800 for example, or I knew next to nothing about Finney (in fact, I had his "Systematic Theology" on my computer before I knew who he was, I didn't read it though). Here was a man who could have been very powerful for God and yet went the wrong direction. His arrogance and unwillingness to listen to older pastors made him think he was infallible and he pretty much created a new type of religion, that of feeling, where any visible, physical motion (such as standing up in church when asked to) was equated with salvation. He claimed that others were killing revival in the Church and he was promoting it, but he was promoting emotions or revivalism and nearly everyone who rises in response to emotions raging at the time, falls quickly away, withering as the seed sown on the rocky soil, that springs up joyfully but has no root. This is a book that I really appreciate and would recommend.

Well, I'd better close from now, there is much more to be done today. I think I'm going to try to stop by the Alterra Assisted Living center today, let the ladies know how the project went, and see if Freddie is there, I liked her.

Night Of The Living Shadows

I have some other things I want to say, about important stuff, things I've been studying in the Bible and such but I'm going to try to save that for a little while later. I'll come back and edit this post I suppose.

The Shadow Begins

.... another post!

Okay, so to dispense with the school-related stuff first and then on to buisness (Stong Bah joke (another Strong Bad joke)).

Hmm, I put a semi-colon at the end of that sentence and had to go back and change it. I guess I've been programming too much lately (in many computer languages, a semi-colon means the end of the command or line or "thought" essentially).

So where to begin..... Well, last week was rather busy, which is funny because it's supposed to be "dead" week where I assume not much is supposed to be going on other than studying. Well, I had no time for studying while trying to get my teams prepared for their presentations. Our Digital Logic presentation was due Thursday and on Tuesday I spent the day hooking up the FPGA board to the controller that my team member had made. That was a little more of a hassle than I had intended because I had to make some pull-down resistors because otherwise the signals coming in from the buttons would be "floating." The resistors they had in the lab weren't small enough so I ended up going to radio shack and getting a package of 100 assorted ones to use, I only needed three though. Speaking of which, did you know Radio Shack sells a package of 100 assorted 1/4 watt resistors for the same price as 100 1/2 watt resistors? I found that interesting, so of course I picked up the 1/2 watt ones! My partner actually hadn't finished the box yet on Tuesday. On Monday he had e-mailed me and asked me if our presentation was the next day. I didn't specifically say so but I intimated that it was tomorrow because I knew if I gave him two extra days, he'd not do anything in them. So he finished it up Tuesday night apparently.

I was surprised, it looked really, really, nice. He told me he had a friend at Kicker who helped him put it together in their shop, ours was the nicest looking box there and I was grateful he was able to finish that. Wednesday we hooked it all up and tested it out. All the other teams were there scrambling to get their projects done but ours was all finished and ready to go. I felt a bit of satisfaction pass by at that, I really did try hard to get this done on time, no thanks to *cough* partners.

The presentation went well, only the girl who was supposed to do the documentation still wanted to "perfect" it and was going over it all throughout the hour we had allotted. She wanted to take it over and get color copies and have it bound but I put my foot down. "No Stella, print it out NOW and turn it in." She had plenty of time to do it beforehand. I'm glad she wanted it to look nice but there comes a limit when you have to actually submit the thing!

On Tuesday I also met with my Engineering partners and tried to line up what I wanted done for Thursday night. One of the guys was working on the final drawing for our project (which turned out really nice by the way, he was my favourite of the three partners I had and was most focused) and one of the guys I set working on the slideshow presentation. I told them I needed everything done by Thursday so I could put it in the report and submit it the next day.

I've learned my lesson though, always set the "max" due date to a day early, otherwise it won't get done until that night. The guy who was working on the slides had no outline or real order so I made up an outline of every category I wanted to cover in the presentation, and assigned the categories to my partners and gave time limits to each one. Then I broke down each category into subpoints and also broke that down into time limits (we had 12 minutes total for the presentation). I sent this to everyone as the outline I wanted to follow, and told them to write up their parts and what they wanted to say and we could practice Thursday night.

Come Thursday, one of the guys was in the lab trying to finish the drawing, the other one showed up at the specified meeting time and began working on the slides (which he should have had DONE by meeting time) and no one had prepared their speeches except myself. I had given myself two of the five parts and one part to each of the other teammates. So I sat for about an hour and helped organize the slides and get graphs and charts to put in them and get the slides in order, then we sat down for a practice run. The lack of a pre-preparation really showed, I thought I delivered my topics very well, I had a thorough knowledge of my subjects and was able to provide a clear, methodical speech for my parts. The other guys just tried making stuff up on the fly. I had assigned myself to the research and statistics sections but Jon (not Jon from church) said he wanted to do them so I gave him my paper I'd written up with all the key points I wanted to cover. He could have memorized my speech word for word, I told him to get familiar with it then. Also, when it came to do his part (he was doing the introduction to the project) he just read the points on the slide without any kind of elaboration, I told him to take a look at the abstract I'd written (it was online, in the final report) and to make sure he knew the project well. "Oh yeah! I'll memorize that abstract."

I also went over each part with each person and told them how they could say things better (subtly telling them what to say) and tried to get their speeches prepared. They really didn't know the project very well because I'd been doing the report and asking for input and trying to get them involved but they never read what I wrote. One good thing about that (for me) is that rather than having everybody submitting pieces and then putting them together, the entire report was very cohesive and I knew it inside and out because I'd done it all! Yes, all 97 pages of it :)

I also told all of them to be there early and to dress in slacks and collared shirts (there is no question who is the leader on the team in my opinion :) ) and I got blank stares and "what?! why?" I told them it really does make a difference. One of the guys didn't have slacks so he came in jeans and a collared shirt which was unbuttoned three buttons at the top and not tucked in. I told him to tuck his shirt in and button the shirt up and we'd be good to go ;)

One of our team members (Jon) arrived late but we were all ready I think. I had everything prepared and ready to go to the TAs, the journals, the slides, the report, the evaluations, it was all ready to turn in, all the other teams were scrambling though and one teams said they just prepared their slides about an hour beforehand.

We got up and my teammates did better than expected, Jon still just read the five points on the slide without elaboration (thought he SAID he'd memorize the abstract) but that was okay, the rest of the team was able to keep it all going smoothly. When it came time to do the statistics though, the slide came up with the graphs and Jon just stared at me. He told me afterward he didn't know that was going to be on there but he was the one who told me he wanted to do the statistics, luckily I'd anticipated that and was able to smoothly cover that part of the presentation and go over the parts I wanted to highlight anyway. Frankly, I was prepared to jump in at any time and take over because I'd sort of lost faith in my teammates oh.... six weeks ago :)

Our team's project was voted the best in the class and we got certificates signed by the TAs and the professor, which was nice. I was happy it all went well and smooth. I wasn't nearly as nervous as I thought I'd be and I THINK I delivered everything convincingly and clearly. My teammates did better than expected as well and I was glad they were able to pull it all off. I told them "see how hard work and planning pays off? Just being prepared is very helpful!" I do hope they learn after this project. Honestly, I don't know how it would have gone had I not stepped in and done things like the outline and assigned parts, there would have been no order or organization. I was told by another team that just having the outside information, the graphs and statistics I'd gathered, was just very impressive to everyone there. Personally, I think our presentation and project won by a landslide, but of course I'm biased :)

I did hear that on another team there was a guy who got scared at being in front of everyone and during the presentation, when it came to his part to talk, just stared at everyone for a few minutes and then bolted for the door. The professor was visiting classes and apparently found him outside the door, sitting on the floor crying. He talked to him for close to an hour I heard, trying to calm him down. And I thought I got scared! Poor guy, but he's got to learn to face it. Thankfully that didn't happen on our team or that would have been... disturbing.

I must say that in retrospect I think I learned a LOT in this course and working with the team members I had. I grew accustomed to taking the lead, something I've not really done much of before, and was able to keep everything organized and operating smoothly. Jon, when it came time to do the peer evaluations sat down and jokingly said "Okay, peer evaluations: Shadow did everything, I did nothing." Which was sadly true. Unfortunately according do the system for evaluations, you had to keep an average of three (out of five) for all of your team members on a certain category, so if you ranked someone at a 4, that meant someone else had to go down to a 2 to keep that average, so all of my team members just did three for everything because though they did say they wanted me to get a good grade, they of course don't want to hurt themselves. I tried to be honest in my evaluations but wasn't as harsh as I should have been perhaps. If we get a 95 on the presentation, one member will be right up around a 95, one will be at an 85 and another will be at a 72, according to how I ranked everything. By all rights at least two of them should fail but I can't do that. I'm loyal to team members I guess. I did rank myself lower on one category because it had to do with drawings, and though I'd done the preliminary drawing myself (because another team member had failed to deliver), the other guy did make a very nice drawing in the end so I scored him higher than myself in drawings.

I do feel like I learned a lot and feel much better prepared for a variety of things, preparing a report, doing a presentation, leading a team etc. In retrospect it's good, when it was happening: not fun. And I hope they do take a few hints I laid along the way.....

Other things in school?

Well, Saturday I was finally able to get some studying done and spent the day solving Calculus problems and studying for my Computer Science exam. I had the former exam scheduled for Monday morning from 8-10 in the morning, and the latter from 10-12, so I knew that the only chance I'd have for studying would be Saturday. It went well and I felt well prepared (and wanting to get going!) when the time came to take both exams.

I did take them today and I do think they went well, better than previous ones (on both of them) I believe. I have no idea how the teacher will grade in the Calculus class and only a little bit of an idea on the Computer Science class. That class I am pretty much resigned to the fact that I will most likely get a B, there was just times where I had to say "enough! I need to study and do other things" because that class was so time-consuming. I did learn a lot. Mostly I learned I'm a bad programmer :)

I did come up with a nice recursive method for finding a value in a stack though to answer a question on the final exam.... which seemed to work. The professor said that wasn't how he was thinking of doing it but he didn't say it wouldn't work. All I can hope is that I did it right and got a good grade :)